Dawn and Dusk
by SilverIceWolf
Summary: Axel finds himself having another restless night. As he sits at his computer, he ponders what it truly means to be a Nobody, and reflects on the painful fragments of his past. Rated for slight angst. OS


Author's Note: SQUEE! Gosh, here everyone thought I'd continue my InuYasha stories and I give you... Kingdom Hearts? Yes, my new obsession is Kingdom Hearts, and I'm proud to say that I've beaten the first and second games. I've never played Chain of Memories, and seeing as I don't have a Gameboy, I doubt I ever will. Anywhoo, this is a story I wrote at my bestest friend's house (chocolate-wolfie) at about three in the morning. T.T Ya, three. I wrote another one too, but it's not quite done yet. It'll also be a one-shot featuring Axel (and Roxas too, but NO Akuroku), and will be entitled, "Breaking the Habit". It will also be a song fic with minimal lyrics. Huzzah! That, and another story entitled, "Shadows" will be the companion fics to this one. Each center on a deeper side of my favorite Organization XIII member, number VIII. Axel! 3 Yesh! Please review and enjoy!

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_**Dawn and Dusk**_

_By: SilverIceWolf_

Axel sat at his computer drumming his fingers unconsciously on the dark oak desk. He stared blankly at the white screen, the Word document still not completed. It had been another one of those nights for him. Whenever he had trouble sleeping, whenever thoughts would interrupt his waking mind, he wrote. He jotted down everything and anything that came to mind, typed it up in Word, and saved it in a special folder.

But on this night, nothing would come to him to bring him the salvation of a peaceful rest. His eyes went out of focus as he went off into space. The screen flickered sleepily, drilling into him with unseeing eyes. He yawned and turned back to the monitor. He felt as if on the edge of something, something that was conveniently just beyond his reach. Frustrated, he turned off the computer and flopped half-heartedly onto his bed.

Demyx was out that night, not like it really mattered anyway. The blonde haired nocturne slept through Axel's silent tantrums, and never knew a thing about the journals. Axel glanced over at Demyx's empty, unmade bed in disdain. Why him? Why was he the only one tormented by these things? It was times like these when he pondered if Roxas had ever felt the same.

It wasn't so much the fact of coming to terms with himself and accepting that he was a Nobody – as high a class of one as he was – as it was accepting what a Nobody WAS. Ever since his early years with the Organization, Axel understood that he was different. He understood what he was in the simplest of terms. But what where they? What where they truly?

Memories still haunted him from the presentation Vexen had put together when Nobodies where first truly identified – but that was four years ago. Without even thinking about it, Axel massaged the area on the back of his hand where a faint, silvery scar sat, recalling the events afterwards.

When he had ran from the room, he remembered that he was –to his shame- crying. He may have been fourteen, and he may have been tough even for his age, but the bitter sting of truth was what really killed him. It was this weird and horrible feeling. The kind of feeling you get right before you throw up, mixed up with disbelief, anger, and a deep deep feeling of loss.

Xaldin had chased after him and confronted him. "Axel, come back." He had demanded calmly. The young Axel wheeled around on him, tears still coursing silently down his face. "No!" he screamed, stalking away. "AXEL!" Xaldin barked, twirling an unseen lance betwixt his fingers. Axel turned to face him again. "Just leave me alone!" he screamed.

Xaldin frowned. "I know this information is a shock to us all, but you must come to terms with it, Axel. Or el-" But Axel wouldn't stand for it.

"I don't want to come to terms with it! I don't believe it! He's lying, he's got to be!" the flame haired boy argued. "How can we be nothing? We're here aren't we? So how can we not exist, how can we not have hearts? We are not Heartless, yet we have no hearts ourselves. But how can that be if we're all alive? A heart is what keeps you alive, it is your very essence, and without a heart you simply cannot live. It's impossible!"

"Do you see me before you?" Xaldin asked deadly quiet.

"Yes." Axel answered slowly, narrowing his eyes.

"Do you think I have a heart?" Xaldin challenged. Axel was finding himself with the dangerous nerve to yell a certain something out to the man, but held it back.

"Yes. You've got to. You're alive, aren't you?"

"I exist. As do you. We have no hearts, although we are not-" But he didn't get to finish before Axel cut him off again. He was angry now, his sadness all but dissolved as he summoned his chakrams. "Insolent brat!" Xaldin snarled, hurling a spear at the young boy. The first missed, but the second hit.

Axel gasped in pain as a lance pierced through his right hand and pinned him to the wall. Tears welled up in his eyes once more, though sadness had nothing to do with it. "I don't believe you! Only Heartless lack a heart! We are living and breathing. We make our own decisions and lead lives of our own. Just because we are part of someone else doesn't mean-" he began to whimper as Xaldin drew another lance.

"Learn your place, boy." He growled, before turning around and stalking off to another part of the vast castle. The young Axel gritted his teeth and pulled the lance out of his hand, letting it drop to the floor. He watched in sick fascination as blood began to pool up and flow into his gloved hand. If it wasn't for Marluxia, he probably still would have been sitting there for God knows how long, allowing enough time for his skin to stitch back together in an improper fashion.

"What am I?" Axel flashed forward to the present, staring at his scar. "How can we bleed without a heart? The heart is what produces our blood, without it, we cannot function, yet we go on…" he trailed of unsurely. "Perhaps." He thought. "Perhaps we are what that person could have been or done." Axel reasoned with himself, referring to the people whom had become Heartless no matter how temporary, and had given them life.

"But if that's the case." He went on. "Maybe I don't exist at all, or maybe they're the ones that don't exist. Maybe this world is simply an alternate reality of the other world or worlds out there. But how are we to ever know?" Axel shook himself a familiar feeling took hold.

It had been a time since Axel had discovered that he had a form of mild depression and anxiety. Everytime he over analyzed things, it would come back. Fear would reign supreme in his mind, and he would drive himself insane thinking of hundreds of 'what ifs?', each as frightening as the last.

And so Axel wrote to try and deal with his internal conflicts. Suddenly, an idea came to him. He was not exactly sure how it was that he had ever thought of it, only that it made one hundred percent sense to him. It could have been that his thoughts had strayed to pondering how his old friend Roxas was doing, or maybe he was thinking of the world in which the others had lived.

Twilight Town was created by someone, though he knew not whom, he did know that almost all of the residents where only data. He thought often if he was like one of those people. But more often then not, he thought of how it would be like to fuse with the one that made you. Would it be instant death, or a long sleep that you could emerge from very minimally? Would it be as though he had a constant companion, or even act as the navigator of the vessel? Nothing really seemed very probable, but for some strange reason, the word "twilight" stuck in his head.

He flicked the computer back on and looked up "twilight" through an online dictionary. "Twilight - noun, 1. the soft, diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, either from daybreak to sunrise, or more commonly, from sunset to nightfall; 2. the period in the morning or, more commonly, in the evening during which this light prevails; 3. a terminal period, after full development, success; 4. the state of uncertainty, vagueness, or gloom"

The words ran along in Axel's head, almost as if to a rhythm. It was like poetry or a message waiting to be deciphered. All Axel knew was that it meant something. And if to no one else, then to him personally. Getting an idea, he looked up five other words and jotted down their definitions before returning to Word.

He paused every few minutes and stared blankly about his dorm before returning to type madly into the machine, filling it's once blank pages with passion. When he was done, he scanned over his work and corrected a few errors here and there. It read:

"Dawn _–noun _1. the first appearance of daylight in the morning; 2. the beginning of rise of anything; advent; verb- 3. to begin to open or develop

I suppose this would be where it all begins. Life is truly an amazing thing. Over the years, I have given in to the fact that I only exist, in a sort of half-life. I find more and more everyday that I envy the living. They have no idea the pain we –or at the very least I – feel with the burden of knowing such hideous things. So does Dawn represent my own coming into being, or that of my Somebody? In any case, it is still the beginning.

Sunrise _–noun _1. the rise or ascent of the sun above the horizon in the morning; 2. the atmospheric and scenic phenomena accompanying this; 3. the time when half the sun has risen above the horizon; 4. the open or beginning stage of any period

Given to the fact that I think that Dawn stands for the birth of my Somebody, then Sunrise would mark his life. Unlike everyone else here, I cannot remember anything about my past. Why, no one seems certain of. I don't go a day without wondering what type of person my Somebody was, and if they are even still alive. I don't even recall a name. I've always been gifted with handling fire, so perhaps he was an arsonist, although I almost hope not. Everyone has a story. I have nothing.

Sunset _–noun _1. the setting or descent of the sun below the horizon in the evening; 2. the atmospheric and phenomena accompanying this; 3. the time when the sun sets; 4. the close or final stage of any period

The time in which the humanity of my Somebody was eclipsed, and they fell to the darkness. When this happened, I of course was born. I wonder if he is still with me, or even knows of my existence. I wish I could meet him, whoever he may be. I also wonder how it was that he came to be a Heartless. Did he come of free will, or was he tricked? More often then not, I doubt that I'll ever find the answers to these questions.

Twilight _–noun _1. the soft, diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, either from daybreak to sunrise, or more commonly, from sunset to nightfall; 2. the period in the morning or, more commonly, in the evening during which this light prevails; 3. a terminal period, after full development, success; 4. the state of uncertainty, vagueness, or gloom

Well this was clear-cut enough for me. I have always liked this word, and now I know why. The word is what I am. It describes me on many levels, though most distinctly as a child. The 'diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon' part got to me the most. The 'diffused light' would be my own broken spirit, forming when my Somebody became a Heartless. If I have a human form, then does my Somebody or the Heartless he's become resemble something similar to my own appearance?

Moonrise _–noun _1. the rising of the moon above the horizon; 2. the time at which the moon rises above the horizon

The moon is known to represent love and luck, so I am hopeful that something positive will happen in my future. Moonrise shows the dominance the moon has over the darkness that envelopes it, the mastery of such an unstable element. I wonder if this could mean that I have been right all along, or that there is a way to answer my questions. Although, no matter what, I still doubt that I will ever truly belong here.

Dusk _–noun _1. the state or period of partial darkness between day and night, the dark part of twilight; 2. partial darkness; shade; gloom

If the previous was for the future, what could this possibly be for? To be honest, I'm really not sure, even as I'm writing this. Partial darkness, the dark part of twilight. What could it mean? I can only assume that it is a sign of hope, a light –no matter how faint – fighting the darkness. No one here trusts me, and I have no trust in them, and it has been that way for as long as I can remember. But maybe one day I'll be able to regain what I've lost. Maybe I'll be able to live as a person, the way I've always longed for. Maybe there is some hope for me after all."

Axel scooted away from his computer, saved the file, and exited out. He peeled off his cloak and removed his Hakamas, boots, and shirt, until he stood in nothing but his boxers. Finally free of the confining clothes, he crawled into bed, the cold sheets feeling soothing against his skin. For a minute or two, he thought over what he had written, satisfaction crawling through him.

He may never know who he was, or what he did. He may not have a heart, and he may not be truly living. And so what if the others didn't accept him, for he hated them as well. All that mattered was that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, a ray of hope. Nothing could stop him from doing whatever it was that he wanted to do, he could run his own life. Even if it was only half of one, it was his life and his time to spend with it, before it too disappeared into the dark abyss of nothingness that surrounded their isolated world.

As he snuggled into his sheets that night, only one thing stuck out in his mind, "From dawn to dusk, I'll make it through."

YAY! What did you think? Review - no flames - please! I'll give you a cookie...


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